Who Cares?

 Anyone?

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Am I - or these collection of primitive “poems”, if they can be called such - part of the problem?

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I am not asking for empathy, recognition or help. I think my poetry is garbage.  It has done nothing but bring more pain to those who don’t need it.

I still write. These things are puzzles. They still run around in my head. 

If no one can provide any proof of legitimate interest or evidence of any good this uneducated collection of words has a purpose, artistically, I’m just going to shut this piece of shit blog down in the spring, if not sooner.

Truly sorry.

Thanks for reading.

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A Girl Before

don’t get your hopes up, she warned me from the start • the only thing I had left to give her was my heart • I had never given in to complete devotion • though in my forties I had yet to give love a second notion

she told me she always knew by the look in my eyes • that every time I saw her I felt I had just won first prize • in those days I had to sleep in a cold dark basement room • I still let my hopes get up much too high too soon

every time I saw her I’d pick her up and spin • I know one day too soon I’ll have to take it on the chin •

 12/2023

No Will

no one will ever come back • they made sure to take the knife from out of my chest • so that she’d not have to twist it for the rest • swearing she’d lost all her old friends • everyone’s new beginning soon becomes my latest end 

the more I remember means the more I realize • what I thought was strange affection turned into future lies • every emotion has turned numb • when I was smart I was really dumb

no one will return • no one recognizes me for my face has now been burned • I look as if my face has been melted off • I quit smoking yet I’m still left with a cough • I quit drinking now I get headaches • all that life offers is one more girl who can fake

never again will I heal someone else’s pain • I know sadness is an act to trap me again • 

can’t read the rest 

december 2023

Worth Living

An irresponsible life

rarely comes with a supportive, devoted, loving wife • a model better unserved • dragging no one else down against her absolute unspoken last word

each abandoned plea • is a testament that there is no true love guarantee • only hunger remains • stuck in the chasm of mortal brains • what good would one more twist and shout • when all that’s left is a death nell pout

time is now not being kind to my most recent grizzled face • every scar on it was put there with grace • when comes the time to give it back or give it up • there will be no trading food for any grey trophy or golden cup

which means there is just one left grinning • to not recognize true love be the most grievous mortal sin • unspoken lies coming true • the focus of vampires and winners bear witness in full bloom

death is never heavy when it brings relief • no bravery too soon or too strong to shudder in callous grief • no castle rooted to its hillside no burden too great to bear • for the irresponsible life • only one left last will be standing there

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I have no idea when I wrote this. 

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Angel Blue

Blue Angels resting at the vine … just ask them  everything is fine … they’ll say they’re just doing a fly-by tonight … and in the morning everything will be alright

they don’t lie they’re sworn to secrecy … even when they know who should pack and flee … you can tell by the look inside each eye … their job is just to let it fly

it’s best just to wish them all the luck … no one told me to pause and give a f*k … no one asked me for a decade of my time … no one told me seven years will bye her time

every angel sometimes gotta fly … other angels are known to never lie … still some angels don’t ever come back … when those angels leave they’re on the attack

every angel has her golden wings … some wear blue diamonds on their gold rings … when one gets heavy she might  let you know … when one Blue Angel suddenly lets you go

the emptiness in my chest … comes with years of no good rest … when it hits the ceiling ground … there’s no more angels to be found 

the bleeding soon will stop I’m sure … it’s not the first I must endure … the wreckage blows away like it’s smoke …some shed a tear others just choke

some shake their heads say what a shame … some know the cost of wicked games … but few will stop as I did … to search the woman wreckage for the kid

you don’t get wings to stopping too long … you don’t get lyrics for every song … faith don’t convert into fuel … only dreamers turn into a fool

when she isn’t coming back … she’s got her sights on her next attack … she fears only who she knows … she strikes when she deals all the blows

Blue Angels live near the vine … Blue Angels always are on time … Blue Angels drop bombs no more …Blue Angels never hit the floor

With grace she’ll softly touch the ground … she speaks the truth without a sound … she’s known her next target for years … bringing him in with all new tears 

she’ll get the promise set for life … still at the ready with hidden knife … fresh new stories same story line … plug in new names and dreams with mine

substitutes for faith can be had … it costs only an ear to hear you play sad … some believe you’ve changed and that you’ve moved … some will see the change in your attitude

everyone you’ve told never asks … everyone you’ve leaned on takes to task … the modifications made to your space … like what you’ve done to your hips and face

the sonic scream from skies in the air … signals a new wave of toxic ware … when someone you know well you can’t recognize … plotting a new course with untold lies

Blue Angels have many dates to keep … Blue Angels easily find sleep … Blue Angels always are coming near soon … Blue Angels always find your time and make enough room

Blue Angels retire from Navy life … Blue Angels fly free from heartache and from strife … don’t you wish you had one for your own … the Blue Angel you were given has long since flown

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