The Great and The Powerful .

 all I ever wanted each day was just to see you smile

monkeys rabid winged nuts … ripped me open just to grab my straw guts …  they left my insides all over this yellow road … every Princess frog leapt from me croaking in toad

out of the clear blue sky sun a spinning house almost on me fell … from inside the crash landing stepped out a girl that once remembered me well … the ruby clicks of her freshly stolen nordstrom witch high heels … stepped up to the plate just to show me how real love should feel

I met her where we both worked making software frames … playing for keeps social vacuum fish bowl games … while she introduced herself to all the elves in cobbling support … I lost all sense of listening when she began to give us a short and light selfie report

everything around her and behind turned to tv static grey … I forgot that I had nothing good or funny to say … thinking that she loved who she was with at that moment for all time … not even in my wildest west dreams i ever thought to let her into mine 

an eastern witch just finished making me into tin … I always had to be oiled or I would rust before the day begins … with chopstick precision she removed from my tin chest my on-loan second heart … in only three months of wedding a separation was filed before it could get a  jump-start

never was a divorce so perfectly timed and planned … I let her take me for a fool and a platinum rubber band … she kept all the presents from both family sides demanding money, wedding bill payment with no place to sleep or letting me take a shower … after not  being a wife for only  two thousand hours … the dragon lady judiciously filed for the separation she had legally planned for years …  lawyers on both sides laughed at me until they cried in tears 

she owned a cat that gave my underarms and inner thighs puss-filled, prone-to-leaking blisters … she then took home her moms flea bag of nineteen years then stole another cat from her sister … by turning her future-ex-husband into Clown of the Stupid made of tin … brilliant in strategic execution divorcing her wheezer drunk who’ll never again scare her guests skin that bubbles in fester

she ate my second heart to  make room for a clock to install … the clicking in my chest would take a licking warning cats The Tin Man Clown is about to call

no courage or Toto could help enough a cowardly king … even now I can’t believe how I got fleeced without defending a thing … I chose to live in whatever vehicle i could hope to register and find … the dragon lady drained me of all her money, my stepped-on heart and long-lost mind

after lethargic attempts at career poison, asylum-bound depression … parking cold trucks near germ-infested bathrooms sending me into professional regression … 

I found me making my own breaks into the field I trained by mine own choice … without pretend fear or guilty inner voice

i thought the job i got writing for a vendor of CCTV cameras could not get me closer to feeling 7 feet tall … but when I heard in the wind that a computer vendor in Austin Texas was about to make me a call 

it was only me that fixed me 

now no one will ever get in my godam way

after all I went thru no one will ever stop me again

never again

never again

never again

there is no one left I know enough to stop me anymore

only I could ever stop me like I did before 

no one I know now even comes to my front door 

no one I know will ever stop me from my future ever again 

no one. ever again. 

no one again

only someone who I love enough to dictate my fate again

there is no one left who I could love that much  again

never. 

again.

I will never let love ever stop me from success ever again. 

I have come so far. I have learned so much . . . .

.

It's The Shinbone in the Alley

she knew before the break of our Dennys grand dawn … it would cost her only seven years before she would be moving on … like a bomb of blindfold ice-cube love she knew how long her mortal fuse … what she needed to recreate she had no intention to abuse … she told me over pancakes that she wasn’t yet a woman in love … never to have a kid she fit like a latex inner glove

each night in the moment I would catch her in my eye … I would pick her up to lift her spinning in the sky … even when the rough times came her eyes could always look down at me to tell … she said my eyes always told her there would never be a doubt … she never made me put her down and a smile in her scream to shout

In good times she would laugh until she peed … she mocked me for my softball scrapes but she was tougher than any thing that made her bleed … when her ex-husband was in town she let me drive her to his hotel … because I knew exactly where she stood it never felt like hell

never once was there a night too late … never was there a fatigue or ear ringing that a simple kiss one could make that made the other wait … it wasn’t from any drugs as much as bites and burns from motel 6 rugs … hiding well the bruises and play vampire bites … always dressed for work her dress slacks were dark and never too tight … 

not since when I met my first wife was I forced underground … hiding hickeys and back scratches hidden from neighborhood girls who wished on me a quick pound … keeping off me any scent lest any one of her dog pack whiff downwind … pouring perfectly good liquor all over me stinking of tanqueray gin … for weeks I threw off everyone off the bloodhound trail that might end at the gnarled feet of my future-ex fiancé … only caught when I left behind tickets to rick James found hiding my late teens white beyonce 

blaming karma pointing to a bald spot in my near future road tricks… I knew my time was short by new years eve number six … the female axl rose now danced with open eyes looking over my shoulder … I saw the fade in emerald that I’ll not be long to let me hold her  … 

no more getting pushed out childhood windows because of her mom and dad … I know I’ll miss her really bad but always they will live each memory we ever had 

I sang to her soon dead cat … she’s saying bye to us both with new door mats … no animosity between … I cherished every night we had human fun … because I knew how many I had left until they were all gone … when I knew it was up all my time … I enjoyed each one when they were all mine

we speak no more … well wishes languish at her email door … she’s in Rome each year when my birthday comes … all I needs a pack of tums … to settle the stomach ache … before crawling up my throat to take … she’ll sent it late on time to always forget … because she always knew what I meant … she knew I loved her til her love fuse end … there’s no scar that anyone can tell all my friends … no relatives ever say anything bad … only hard living good memories we will always never again have …

there are ways to use up other people’s time … tasteful, while provocative it doesn’t need to crush someone else’s heart and tortured mind … some just have enough class while some just make things for others worse … in everyone’s different life we all have our blessings … its how we know when we’re in the middle of those who pass onto others Their Lifelong Curse

.

different strokes for … different folks so … mind your manner and go easy on the ethnic jokes itsa … dumb bell curve you’re … trying to tally … all the way to … shinbone alley 

.

the cursed are conspicuous in their absence. see?

 

The Vacancy

 Once, in a fit of complacency, I confessed to having no more tears left to cry … Soon after found I was unwilling and unable to let any memory of you die … I have since learned how to suffer on my own and without … recognizing the need what to do and what life should be about

Struggle without goals is an exercise without the benefit of strength … Courage without belief is a distance with no sense of its length … Even after accomplishment I must value all I have now … All it takes is the memory of all I was not allowed

Physical and emotional hunger may never again yield any joy … the sorrow and pang of growing up alone compares to my experience as a boy … there is no opportunity or prospect at achieving the sense of internal peace … nothing good comes from the loneliness I believe will never cease

I have found refuge in becoming one who now can self-sustain … the animal I became can now find cover from the Christmas rain … at no point did I ever seriously blame anyone but I … despite all the deepest, mournful sorrow I still had no tears with which to cry

I wish upon no one the turmoil without  the ability to let any memory go … taken from me the means of amends no one will ever come to know … sleepless nights without the benefit of any one dream … forgotten is the face and how your hair used to gleam

Some have perished over less … have I lost the humanity of spiritual chess … art and all it delivers … must take a back seat of four am shivers

Something inside me might wish you well … but for your repulsion to the sight of me and the smell … for beauty is but for the beholden … I am sure you possess what you thought I had stolen

the direction on which I now navigate … now replaces all I was cursed to endlessly wait … the eleven mile walk from you to where I once stayed … is a pain that is now daily is displayed

I can now look anyone in the eye without excuse … an eye for an eye of the needle in mine is put to good use … the first paycheck is always the best … now it may be the final answer of this life’s latest test

I now know for me it’s not about the money … and nothing now comes close to being funny … it’s all about the rules of engagement which binds … every journey is worth only what it finds

without being granted the benefit of making amends … I believe yours is a life on which it never depends … you will never need anyone again as much … you will never need the grace that comes from a single knowing touch

when life gives you lemons make the kind of juice you squeezed … from everyone who wiped your nose every time you sneezed … the safest bet you’ll never need to make alone and lonely … for that is what was gained by what was left for you only

there are no rooms at the dream inn

what was killed will never again begin

don’t worry baby … everything will turn out all right

Allie

 a breeze of lone despair blew me to an empty door … one I had gone thru many troubled times before … a moment of  automotive desperation began to turn me inside out … when I looked up to see a desert dream to ask  what I was all about

Her name is Allie

Only this new morning did I realize if she gave me a spring chance … was this an end to one dead life giving pause to advance … a new job is enough to grant me thanks to begin again … just calm and wake up grateful to start with a new friend

Allie

Short for Allison?

Allie

A baseball cap and brilliant smile … WAKE UP! You are on the clock! You need to find the pieces of your act and get it back together!

Worried about my son … BE HERE NOW! Get things done … registration! Condemnation! Don’t go now losing your fool head! Let the memory of her motivate instead

No more poems. Just do. 

Life is being given back. 

She is just a daydream. Maybe make her  happen. Maybe she has another that isn’t me.  

….

Dying is a safe house path in tomb … no need for love to die too soon … there’s no flower that needs me near … they will bloom whether or not you’re here

Come to life that has left me just to get by … take comfort knowing you have nothing left to lie … take courage now let no one wait … wake up now don’t procrastinate …there’s no fear in letting go … what was once has to go … what I  had was not enough … fix what time it is now before it gets too tough

It’s good to have a new shiny hair memory goal … let her be. Let her roam wild. Let her go.  

.

When the rain wash sheds you clean you’ll know. 

You will know. Ah, you’ll know.