Knew

 If I knew you

You would say who you are

You’re not the one I am always thinking of

If I knew you

You wouldn’t keep me guessing 

You’re not the one I was hoping for

And why would she miss

The one she will not kiss

Not the one that she looks to for hope

Does she have fun

Is he now The One

With me standing outside 

My only company is my pride 

Never again 

Only a has been

With success at my feet

Sitting on the curb of your street

Scattering wishes and hope

Still the true butt of your jokes

Cannot bring myself to comply

In a world where you’re with another try

Do I observe

Haven’t the strength or the nerve

Sober as a judge

Regard me as a grudge 

It’s time for me to leave

Only now have I started to grieve

The loss of others before

Too busy waiting outside your door

So happy are you today

With a smile just to give away

Every night you’re not alone

Clutching my heart to atone

Sworn to no one always

The debt that never repays

The curse of being alive 

Just for where I work from 9 to 5

To bathe in the acid rain

Too used to the free fall of pain 

Too old to start all over again

Too poor to take now and then

Too soft to exercise

Too hard to look like I’m wise

Too far gone to come back

Too systolic to risk heart attack

Too naive to go without fear

Too septic to have one be near

Too toxic to waste anyone’s time

Sentenced for life without crime

Haven’t had a drink in a year

No one would care if I just had a beer

No one would see it does me no good 

No one would know when I do what I should

Content with being no one

Someday soon I might be some fun

But being told by the Girl that I Love

She’d rather push me over where she could shove

She answers to me no more

From an airplane she showed me her door

And now the window she let me thru

Is gone forever left with nothing to do

The most wonderful time of her year

Has forgotten of when I was near

To part still gives me much pain

I am still outside in her rain

I know not what will I become

I am hoping for the work I have done

Wont come to anything of worth

Only death will come of my birth

Every hour inside I rehearse 

Wont say what only makes things worse

You’ve always known of what I speak

You’re only looking for me to turn the next cheek

It’s not like you to gloat

It’s why you’d just let it go

There’s nothing I have you’d ever need

Only for you would I ever bleed

The job I pick now I will live

The life I choose I will not give

To anyone who will let me in

Free of immortal sin

Never again begin

Staying away from life

Bleeding all over your knife

You still have control

Dragging behind you my soul

You know I’ll die this way

A possession for free to just give away

 ..

written 12/16/21 … duplicate??